How can we be parents without disengaging from the rest of the world? Or, more specifically, my DC community of friends, who in so many ways are social, emotional, mental and spiritual life-blood. Also, the enriching activities ever-present in this city of idealism, politics, energy and mixed drinks?
I have been thinking about this ever since parenthood snuck up on us a year ago. I think about it with every e-
vite I reply, "no," every invitation I sheepishly deny, rarely because I do not want to, but because it simply ain't happening. I have been thinking about it with good friend and fellow new father Joshua, who
thoughtfully wrote about it earlier. It was in the back of my mind when I insisted that
babies are fun, where I joked (not without a tinge of pain) about things this somewhat young, higher-education desiring, hopefully thoughtful internationalist and
europhile is missing out on. In her comment called me out. I haven't taken her to the local coffee shop as much as I envisioned.
Make no mistake, the baby is worth it. And I stand by everything I wrote about her being fun. I would never, never trade her for things that I miss. But it's hard not to be aware of these things. Things that conflict with our baby's sleeping and eating schedule. Things we would have gone to had she not been in such a foul mood. Heck, things we would have done had her parents not been in such a foul mood. I know we're not alone.
The other day, a seasoned parent (by our church's standard, at least) emailed the mom's for our church lamenting the fact that she has not been to one of our evening (and only weekly) services for such a long time. Her son's sleep schedule corresponds the time we say the Law and confess our sins. I hope they can still come. They are on my ever-lengthening list of people who I wish I see more of. But if they can't, I understand. All sorts of things can be isolating, and parenting is no exception.
So - my childless friends, let me just say we need you. Here are a few ways you can help.
- If we ever look anti-social at a party or after church, it is not because we do not like present company. When you are different, it feels different (and yes, this applies of every sort of minority, and I know many differences, especially in church, are a heck of a lot harder for a lot of other people), even if that difference is carrying mini-me in a baby carrier. I love it - my baby is my bling and I get all sorts of attention. But if I am not careful, I can let that difference undermine our unity, and I need your help to prevent this. Come say hello, and offer to hold the baby. You know you want to hold the baby. It is good for her to be passed around and to get to know other people. Talk with us, let us know how we are going to pray for you (because who knows when we will see you again) or what is new in your life. We think about all of you, and stalk you on Facebook while holding our baby.
- Keep those e-vites coming. You may have given up on us by now. Don't. Our positive response rate to e-vites must be around 5%, I know. We want to come, and occasionally we will have the gumption and energy to do so. When the time comes, we want to be able to.
- Visit us. I know - my wife got pregnant and we moved to the burbs. We're not in the hip, gentrified downtown anymore. Getting here without a car requires a bus. Even so, know that you are welcome. Diana and Daniel from our Bible study came by, and our conversations were a small re-discovery, something we experience whenever folks brought food those early weeks and stayed to talk. Life is worth sharing. It's wonderful sharing everything in marriage, sharing much in childhood, and sharing the parts that fill the minutes and hours with all of you.
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