Walkin' in a Summer Wonderland

We're here. My family and I escaped the darkness of Central Europe and their Christmas Markets to spend the Winter Solstice (and surrounding holidays) in sunny Orlando. I'm enjoying sunning myself in my flip flops, taking my daughter to the beach and sleeping with the fan on, but I've noticed something: Christmas can be a difficult time for Floridians. An overlooked aspect of all the cultural wars surrounding the holidays is how "northern-centric" most of the festivities are. We sit here in our lounge-chairs drinking pina coladas while holiday films and music paint an idyllic scenes of snow-covered houses, steaming hot cocoa and Tommy Hilfiger models sitting around the Christmas tree in comfy sweaters. We poor southern souls dream of a white Christmas, knowing that the only way we'll get one is if we go on a ski vacation. In this economy? Forget it. The rest of the country puts on their galoshes to go caroling in the snow with Tiny Tim before a hearty dinner of roast goose, and we're left out.

In order to combat this insidious anti-warm weather bias in our solstice festival culture, and in the classic American spirit of Christmas war retaliation, I'm going to re-write some holiday classics that visits the sunny side of the "most wonderful time of the year." Below are some attempts, but this is a work in process. Feel free to add your own suggestions.

Walkin' in a Sunshine Wonderland

Jet skis zoom, are you listenin'?
Flowers bloom, sunsets glistenin'
A beautiful sight, the tiki torch bright
Walkin' in a sunshine wonderland

Gone away, is well none of the birds
Here till March is the snowbird
He comes from New York
In a car full of torque
Walkin' in a sunshine wonderland

A Christmas Song

Shish kabobs roasting on an open fire
sunscreen covering your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by the pool
and folks dressed up like Michael Phelps

Everybody knows a palm tree and some mistletoe
Help make the season bright (not that the sun isn't bright enough already)
Tiny tots, with their cheeks all aglow
looks like we forgot the sun block

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle through the land
Oh what fun, it is to ride in a four-wheeler in the sand
(repeat)

Dashing o'er the beach
in an uninsured vehicle
by the waves we go
too hot to laugh, so we giggle...

Frosty

Frosty the snowman, shouldn't come to Orlando
In the summer swelt, the poor guy will melt...  hey, dibs on the pipe!