Emerging Adulthood, Culture and a Suggestion

There's a lot I could say about the New York Times' most-sent story this weekend, perhaps most-sent because 20-somethings themselves read "What Is It About 20-Somethings?" by Robin Marantz Henig - on their laptops at their parents' house or on their smart phones at a career counselors' office. I read it because I am at the end of that decade, and I work with people who are at the beginning of it. I observe and have been this culture pulverized by choice. I don't know if "Emerging Adults" qualify as a new life stage, but I see it and have been there. In my mid-twenties my life needed a re-boot and I moved back home. Since then, I've moved out, moved cities, found work, married and had a child. At crucial moments, I've been shepherded by men who have helped me take final steps into adulthood, and I acknowledge that I need it still. Or is the growth I still need the normal stuff that's part of the human condition? I don't know.

The article covers valid and interesting economic, social and neurological factors as to why so many of today's young people put off major adult decisions. But Henig barely touches on culture, and I think that is a shame. I mean, we have spent the last five decades glorifying youth - in our art, in our entertainment and in our advertising. Could that at all have any effect on my generation's collective effort to stay young longer? Ever since "Rebel Without a Cause," this youthful rebelliousness, going my way and taking time to figure it out has become an icon. Yes, youth has been a prized character trait in literature - as in so many of Shakespeare's plays, young characters who haven't figured things out are more interesting than old ones who do. But I can't help but think our interest in youth has turned to worship. Watch television for one hour and see which products promise to make you free, which means youth, healthy teeth and endless possibilities. Consider even the twelve pictures that accompany the article. They're lovely. Wherever those young people are, I want to join them, and I want to buy the clothes they're selling. They are icons - thin, good looking, full of possibility. Those photos make my well-trained brain wonder if any of those young people started careers, found spouses and had children, they'd be spoiled. That's not true, and I know it from experience. But the fact that I feel that way confirms that I am, in part, a product of this world around us. Whatever causes this limbo of emerging adulthood, our cultural worship of youth and the accompanying possibility must play a part.

If you are in your twenties and feel like you are caught in possibility limbo, here is advice from someone who knows emerging adulthood very well. Find a church. Find a church that preaches love and grace. Find a church with other emerging adults in the same boat. Find a church with older, loving people who can help you find the courage to commit. It sure helps me.